When Men
When Men: A community that Connects, Builds Friendship, Resilience & Healthy Masculinity
The community started based on a conversation we had:
Andrew: Why do you want to start When Men?
Eksteen: “My cousin committed suicide in his early twenties. I always thought that if he had an ear to listen or a friend to help him, it might have gone differently. If I had only called… was something I often thought about.
Over the years, I have been looking into what people need to connect, be resilient and feel appreciated. These are all core to resolving conflict and building better relationships.
One thing I noticed, overarching this, is that we do not understand how men often differ in their approaches to connection and relationships. We form friendships differently, we communicate differently, and we resolve conflict differently. A lot of this is not by conscious choice. Changing behaviour is often harder than we think.
I believe that everyone should have the possibility to make friends, connect with those around them and build resilience through community.“
With our When Men initiative, we support the following values:
- We are stronger, more resilient and learn together
- We believe all men have the right to learn and grow
- We bring our whole selves to what we do and give it freely
By:
Getting together in the open air and spending time on topics that matter, we learn and exchange ideas. We connect and build friendships in Amsterdam and other cities in the Netherlands, where both natives and internationals are welcomed with open arms. We do this through monthly recurring events where we :
Building Strong Male Friendships & Support Networks in the Netherlands
We often make friends in an environment where we spend the most time. That could be University, work or our neighbourhood. When we leave that environment, we often see those friendships fade or become less close. When we move to another country, we often lose the support we had. Male loneliness is a real thing. When we move jobs, especially in a new city or country, it can take a long time to find a friend or someone you can just spend time with. We aim to build communities that are supportive and filled with potential friends. We are here to help one another build friendships as adult men, which, in turn, serves as a support network that boosts our resilience.
Emotional Intelligence & Resilience for Men
No one taught us how to connect. We are often raised in families where there is not much space for male vulnerability or talking about what matters most. Life, love, heartache, loneliness, frustration, and anger are all things we are often expected to “ deal” with on our own. As such, our emotive vocabulary is suboptimal, and our ability to read others and respond appropriately can suffer. When men brings together interventions and skills that help men like us to connect and foster long-term friendships. We bring ourselves and learn how to leave space for others. At the same time, how our competitive mindset can be a help and a hindrance, and what we can do about it.
Understanding Testosterone, Competition & Connection
We have a lot in common with other mammals and with all those we share the majority of our genetics with. What makes us different is that we have a massive influence of testosterone that shapes our behaviour in interesting ways. If we are unaware of this, we may believe our behaviour is wrong, and we may even be harmful to others. Learning when to compete and when to collaborate. Our nature is to compete, but that is not what friendship is about. Learning to connect means being a conversation partner, holding space for others and using techniques that allow that competitive nature to find a new way of being, that both considers our competitive needs and stimulates cooperation and connection. These are skills we can learn and allow us to be better life partners, business partners and friends.
Healthy Masculinity: Beyond the Manosphere
No one taught us how to connect. We are often raised in families where there is not much space for male vulnerability or talking about what matters most. Life, love, heartache, loneliness, frustration, and anger are all things we are often expected to “ deal” with on our own. As such, our emotive vocabulary is suboptimal, and our ability to read others and respond appropriately can suffer. When men brings together interventions and skills that help men like us to connect and foster long-term friendships. We bring ourselves and learn how to leave space for others. At the same time, how our competitive mindset can be a help and a hindrance, and what we can do about it.